Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
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Make sure to see the captions in the video that clarify some of the text below.
Now, first off, know that we’re not going to talk about anything grotesque, gory or inappropriate. All right. Your parents need to know that if they’re in this course. But the first thing I want to do is I want to pray and I want to ask Holy Spirit to guide this conversation.
So Holy Spirit, God, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ,I ask you that you would guide the things that I say and that you would put the things in my mind that these kids need to hear. Amen.
You have been taught a lot of erroneous things about sexuality, both from the world and possibly from the church.
of husband and wife of man and woman in covenant relationship. What does it mean for covenant? Go and research that if you want to know the details because it is amazing what God has set up when he set up covenant.
But the gist of it is that two would enter into agreement usually by blood in sexuality. Typically, when the hymen breaks, there is blood, and that is the consummation of the covenant. And a covenant can only be broken by death. That is why marriage is supposed to be till death do you part. Sex is meant to be for the husband and wife.
A spiritual experience. It is meant to be that your bodies become one and that your spirits become one. That is why the enemy try so hard to corrupt it and to turn it into something cheap, disposable, dirty, addictive. It’s not meant to be any of those things. It’s meant to be beautiful, pure exciting. It’s meant to tear down walls.
It’s meant to bring a unity, a bondage and a closeness. Sorry. Not bondage. A bonding and a closeness. Now, if when you’re growing up, you’re in a church that’s constantly talking about sex as dirty, then you’ve got a lot to overcome there. When you get married, if when you have been growing up, you have been sexually assaulted physically, emotionally, you have a lot to overcome in marriage as well.
If when growing up, you have been exposed to sexual jollity in the media. Sexuality in magazines, in movies, in songs, in things you hear at school, you’ve got a lot to overcome.
Every single one of those things are overcome evil. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, and it does not mean that you can’t have a great sex life because
Hear me say that a great sex life is what God intended for you, man or woman. You do need to know that you both see sex very, very differently because that’s the way God put it in your minds and in your bodies and in your hormones.
And there’s some great teachings on that. And you need to study those once you become married. I’m not saying read books on sex. I’m not saying any of that. That is between you and God and your spouse. But I’m saying there are really good teachings out there on sexuality and on marriage without having any graphic description that you’re uncomfortable with.
What do you need to do now as a young person? Number one, you need to protect your eyes. You need to protect your mind. Song of Solomon is a book about sexuality in the natural, and it is a book about God’s love for us in the spiritual and in the symbolic. I recommend that once you’re married, you do a study on Song of Solomon, not before you’re married, because it may arouse feelings in you that are not time.
The point of this is that in Song of Solomon it says, Do not arouse my love before it’s time. Now he’s talking about his lover, but he’s also symbolically talking about the erotic feelings that you have as a human being. If you awaken those feelings, or if those feelings were forced upon you by being molested or raped, then they’ve been awoken and you will fight those feelings until you find a marriage partner.
They will torture you, so to speak. Not necessarily torture, but you know what I mean. It is difficult to suppress sexuality and arousal. Once those feelings have been awoken in you, awakened in you. So the number one thing you need to do as a young person is to bounce your eyes away from sexual things. Away from sexual movies, sexual songs and sexual people.
I was once at a at a water park with my son and one of his friends. We had taken one of my son’s friends and his younger brother to the water park. He’s probably 12 years old. This girl walks up to my son’s friend in a bikini full frontal, pushes up against him and kisses him on the lips at age 12.
Now, why would a young girl do that? Well, she’s been taught that. She’s been taught that by probably her family members,Somewhere in her upbringing. She has been taught that the way that you get what you want out of life is through sex and through her body and friends. That is a path to destruction.
Whether or not you end up pregnant, you can end up with sexual diseases. You can end up with the wrong partner. You end up with the with the with cheapening the sexuality that God meant for you to have in a beautiful long term relationship. And it becomes a tool. It becomes a weapon. If a 12 year old girl has been taught to weaponize her body, what chance does she have at marriage to have a trusting, safe relationship long term?
Because a child that does that or a woman that does that, that learns to weaponize sexuality can never find the trust and the peace that God intended in that relationship until she allows herself to be healed emotionally, physically and spiritually from that behavior and that lie. So know that that lie is out there and that the enemy wants to steal that blessing from you.
Now, another time I was whitewater rafting. we were as a family, we were whitewater rafting. And as oftentimes you find in the outdoor sports loving lifestyle, the the whitewater rafting guide was a vagabond of sorts, a gypsy. And he would go from warm areas to whitewater rafting guides to cold areas in the winter to be a ski guide.
And that is a lifestyle that some choose because it’s fun, it’s exciting. You meet lots of different people, you’re always getting to play and you’re getting paid to play. Nothing wrong with that lifestyle if that’s what you’re choosing. But he was glorifying that lifestyle to another young man that was on the trip, that was a college student. And this guide was going on in front of all of us, family, people, kids, about how many women he got to have and all these different cities over the years and what a great lifestyle it was to run around the mountains and play.
And, you know, we you know, we just let him talk. He’s just talking. He wasnt being grotesque or vulgar? But at the end of the trip, I ran up. I had to run to catch the college student, and I ran up to him and I simply said, it’s great to wander the mountain, but it’s even better to own the mountain, because what that young man, that young adventure guide wasn’t telling you is all the lonely nights that he spends alone and all the place where he never feels like he’s home.
But then he has to go from place to place, never belonging, never having people that he can truly count on when a time of crisis comes. If he were to become sick, if he were to have cancer, if he were to get AIDS, he doesn’t have people that are going to take care of him because he’s never built.
He never spent those building years. That’s another video we have. But he never spent those building years building something that lasts. He was busy running and playing with the vagabond gypsy lifestyle. Also doesn’t tell you is that while they say they get a lot of sex, they’re meaning with it a couple of times a month, maybe three times a month, they can find a new girl that will have sex with them.
What they’re not telling you because they don’t know is that in a healthy, loving, monogamous Christian marriage, the average sexual encounter is every 72 hours to five days. Think about that. How long have your parents been married? 50 years. 20 years. And they’re having a sexual encounter every 72 hours to five days. Now, when kids are little, it maybe it’s every two weeks or so.
People are sick, people are tired, People are pregnant. But I promise you, there is no gypsy lifestyle that can provide that. Now, does everybody have that in a Christian marriage? because a lot of people are jerks. Men and women both are jerks and they haven’t learned to love one another. They haven’t learned to be forgiving to one another, and they haven’t learned to sacrifice.
But if you live Christ’s principles that you give 100% of yourself to your spouse, then you want to be with one another. You need to be with one another. That that is something that God has given you as a weapon. Remember, it is an act of worship and it is a weapon. When the enemy comes against you, it is a weapon to cause you one another to join back together as one flesh, one spirit, and one emotion.
So I hope that something I have said today has caused you to look at sex from a new lens.
And I hope that something I have said today causes you to see that your sexuality, including your body, is worth protecting.
Ladies, I need you to know that men look at your bodies and look at sex very differently than you do. Women see sex as an opportunity to express love that they feel that is not the way God made men.God made men to need a sexual release every 72 hours. And it has nothing to do with emotion. They give sex
They give emotion in order to receive sex. Women give sex in order to receive emotion. You see how they’re complete opposites? God ordained it that way on purpose so that you will balance one another because you’re opposites. And it takes a great deal of communication. Love, patience, giving sacrifice in order to give 100% and to be what the other needs.
So don’t get frustrated that you’re opposites because God ordained it that way. And don’t get frustrated if you’re stereotypically switched here. No condemnation from me. If you are stereotype quickly switched. There’s nothing wrong with that. It does not mean that you are homosexual. I’ll bet you that God places you with a partner who is also stereotypically switched and you still balance one another because he loves doing that.
Opposites attract for a reason because it takes compromise. It takes sacrifice. It takes balance. It takes unity. And it takes God to make that compatible. Protect your bodies. So women, when I was the point of all that was women. Please cover your bodies. Cover your legs. I’m not saying dress like the Amish, but I’m not. But I am saying, please stop wearing short shorts and low cut tops because you are causing the men to sin in the natural God given hormones that God is trying to use to make men leave their families, leave their parents to find a spouse to fight for her, to fight for you.
Do you see he’s given you that body so that that man will pursue you, protect you, fight for you and come after you when you are walled up behind your emotions, the physical tension in your bodies. So it’s worth protecting. It’s worth keeping private and being modest and keeping it for your husband. Yes. Everybody has a body. Yes.
Most bodies look the same. And so you’re thinking it’s not worth protecting because everybody’s got body parts. But I promise you, it’s worth protecting. So, guys, girls, hear me say that sex is a beautiful thing. It is meant to be private. It is meant to be in the marriage bed. It is meant to be monogamous. And it is meant to be exciting.
You have the rest of your lives to learn to please each other. So don’t believe the lie that you have to experiment with other people to figure out what you like. Don’t believe that you have to experiment with one another before marriage to see if you’re sexually compatible. Because if you have not been sexually active and developed sexual preferences, then you will develop those together in marriage as it is meant to be.
All right. I’ve given you a lot to think about. I hope that you enjoyed this. I hope it wasn’t too uncomfortable. And I pray that the Lord would ignite your mind with creativity, with sexual creativity within the bounds of marriage, and that the Lord would give you the ability to keep yourself pure in the assault and the onslaught of sexuality that is around you today.